23

Yet again i have failed to keep one blog up to date , but i am going to try my very best to keep this blog alive as possible. Recent news , chinese new year was probably the most enjoyable compared to last year . I just got a raise , and i recently booked my trip to bali in october. So honestly life is pretty damn awesome . 😀

2013 so far has been very kind to me. I do however have my days where i do think of the old times with friends etc. But then reality bitch slaps me in the face . Am i thankful that god/life has given me a reality check.

My life couldn’t be much better , and for that i thank you .

Its time for bed, i seriously need a long sleep.

Ta

Xx

22

God knows how long its been since i last posted anything . Anyways , updates eh ?
My birthday is tomorrow , weeee ,another year older etc . Not really hyped up about it, its just a birthday right ?

Im feeling the monday blues , maybe because i got into a fight with the boy . Sometimes i wonder , wtf am i doing ? To those in love , have you ever wonder , if love is ever enough or will it be enough? Coz sometimes, love to me will never be enough, there is no pleasing anyone , you love too little, you dont care, you love too much you’re clingy. We can never be in the middle . We will always be on one side . Well at least i feel that way .

People tend to see me as this bitchy dont give a fuck attitude i got going on. Sometimes i even believe it . Im tired. Just so tired of bullshit .

Meh

21

My blogs always tend to die out in the end , because i get lazy to log on and blog about whatever but im in the mood to blog. So updates…

I can say im loving my new job , people are nice and best part of all i dont feel like an under paid worker, my new bosses are extremly generous and easy to get along with . Plus i live not to far away from my office so that means no tolls and very rarely i would get stuck in a jam.

Well apart from my job , nothing interesting about my current situation . All i can say is im grateful for all that i have and all that god has given me .

Okay my blogging mojo is slowly deteriorating. So i shall post random photos of me and my goofy boy.

Im sexy and i know it .

20

These past few weeks has been extremely stressful , I had alot of big fights with the boyfriend, cleaning up the house , moving all our junk from the old house to the new house. But on the good side, i have a job and i start on wednesday,  Im actually excited and nervous at the same time. Or maybe im nervous coz i have to pee and im alone in starbucks. Brings back memories to when i was in Orange Cafe and i would be alone most of the times and i had to pee but no one to watch over my laptop.

I’ve been more irritated, annoyed, clingy and needy that its taking a toll on my relationship. I really don’t know whats come over me, i was never like this.  I can admit that most of the times, it is my fault . I said alot of things that hurt you and if you are reading this baby, im truly sorry. For everything that i have said. I love you.

 

 

19

I quit my job few days ago and i have to say its been one of the best decisions i have ever made.  Not to mention i can now help my mom deal with all the stress of moving to another house.  But i know im strong enough to deal with whatever bullshit life/people will throw at me. Im ready whenever you are.

On another note, i probably had the most amazing weekend ever. Friday night was perfect, went over to a friends house for some drinks,  just what i needed to kick back and relax abit. I was locked outside so i spent the night at le boyfriend’s house. Checked out the new house and later went to the mall to waste time, waiting for ‘buka puasa’. We had nando’s for dinner and went back to the boyfriends place. He spent the night at my place and we went to ikea the next day looking for a chair since his chair broke, like literally a big hole where your butt should be. He had to put a pillow on top. lol . So after ikea went to the curve for dinner.

I have to say, we did nothing interesting but i had the most fun. Basically i spent the entire weekend with him. He just left for work not too long ago and before that we were fooling around, well i was fooling around, lack of sleep makes me hyper and giggly .  We talked about our life in the future, kids, growing old and smelly together. Hes one of the best things to ever happen to me. Even if no one can see how amazing he is. Hes amazing in my eyes. I love you 🙂

18

Today while driving to work, i was stuck in the jam as always and i realized , i need to start being grateful for the things that i have instead of the things i don’t. I have a loving family that i will never trade for anything else in the world. I have an amazing boyfriend who stuck by me no matter how rough things get and last but not least i have a few close friends who mean the world to me.

I have a bad habit in looking at the things i dont have rather then the things i already have. But i guess its just human nature . I guess so much bad shit happens to me all at once like a Tsunami im still picking up the pieces.  I realized when you lose something you gain something but then you lose something and the cycle goes on.

I lost my dad in 2010 but in 2011 i found my person, i found someone who can accept me for who i am , someone who makes me happy , someone who suffered the same fate as my dad , but at the same time, people who were my so called  ‘friends’  suddenly realize “hey, i dont like her anymore, lets just not hangout with her and be a bitch ” decided its time to cut things off with me or decided i don’t matter anymore. Sometimes people tend to forget about the things i went through for them, the amount of times i sat down and listened without judging their decisions, the amount of time wasted on them.  I am grateful for the things they have done for me, without them im probably still a mess, they helped me when i needed them but the one thing that they messed up on is, they judged me. Friends don’t judge. Don’t judge me for the mistakes or choices i made. Before even contemplating about how stupid i was , think about the shit you have done.  Then come back and preach to me about how much of a saint you are.  Honestly i can still communicate with those “people” , but inside im just thinking “ahah fuck you” .  I hope you get what you all deserve.

Anyways besides that my landlord is kicking my family out eventhough its basically breaching the contract we signed, but he gave us some dumbass excuse. so big fucking thank you mr landlord, you just made my mom depressed and i will never forget or forgive you for it.  Work isn’t that great either. I feel somewhat isolated and left out, maybe its me being a difference race from the rest of my colleagues. Im glad im leaving honestly, and i can’t wait to start fresh.

Ah this is what happens when you dont blog for a long time, everything from long time ago comes out.

17

I had a guuuuuuureat day today , me and the boyfriend work things out like we always do. Thats what i love about us, eventhough we fight like cats and dogs, somehow we always cant stay mad at each other. So we watched Madagascar 3 . Let me say this is probably one of the best movies to ever been created/made.  We had dinner at some fairly new restaurantthat specializes in arabian food, and when theres arabian food theres shisha. Although i don’t enjoy shisha nowadays , the food is good.

I absolutely hate it when people tell me “like, omg , aren’t you bored of seeing your boyfriend everyday? must get pretty boring” , honestly no , its not boring because im enjoying my company with someone i love. Isn’t the same if i say, hey aren’t you bored hanging out with friends ? or maybe not, i don’t know but no i don’t find it boring, because honestly, to me friendship is just utter bullshit, to those who have found the perfect friends, kudos for you, you aren’t as unlucky as i was. I mean not to say my friends are shit, we had good memories, we had good times, but the overall image of friendship is bullshit. I used to be one of those people that cherish friendship above boyfriends but now that i think about it, my boyfriend will always come first before my friends. Maybe its because im such a shit friend so in return i have shitty friends, or maybe i just have a bad attitude, either way, no ones perfect. Im working on becoming a better person, which means, no more drama, no more 15 year old highschool bullshit drama. It seems no matter how old some people are they act like they are in freaking highschool. Not to mention, no more putting in hope on friendship, although i still have a few friends i can always count on but i can say thats like maybe 2 or 3, which is good enough for me. 

To those who have got the perfect bunch, treasure it , good friendship is hard to find these days.

16

Today wasn’t a good day, as in its actually a day where everything went right just, small incidents makes me feel like today wasn’t a good day, at least for me. I feel like whatever i do is wrong. If im upset its wrong , but if i don’t say anything, its wrong, when i do say something , its also wrong.  I just feel like what do you want from me ? So i did what makes you happen i put on a smile on my face and honestly tried my hardest to keep smiling ( they said smiling for no reason somehow releases some ‘happy’ hormones making you feel good ) It did work for a while. You don’t want to talk about it , i do , but it would lead to another fight .And i just can’t do it right now. Because whatever i say you just might take it the wrong way. You ask me if i love you. I do, completely 100% i do .

Maybe i get upset over stupid silly things like ex girlfriends or friends or whatever but its not like i can control what makes me upset and what makes me angry. It just is . Maybe sometimes i ask questions i don’t want to hear the answer for. Im trying to change that . Give me time , like how i did. If you ask me will i love you forever. Answer is i will. Forever meaning no matter how hard things get between us, no matter how shit it is . Forever is forever. Even if we go our separate ways there will always be a part of me that will love you. And i guess i was hoping your answer would be the same. Sometimes i shouldn’t expect too much. Expect less , that way you hurt less.  If you ask me , does it mean i still have feeling for my ex? I would say no , because eventhough it took me a while to realize it, i never really loved any of my ex, maybe i was young and stupid and thought that hey i love him when i didn’t.

Im trying to change, change for the better and change for myself. I don’t want to be that annoying , jealous girlfriend anymore . If keeping a smile on my face makes you happy, Thats what ill do . Fake or real, its still a smile. Plus i have s shitty face filter, i need to work on that too.

 

15

So its a friday night, we basically its saturday already but i can’t sleep, i guess because i watch marley & me and no matter how many times i watch that movie, it never fails to make me cry like a baby. I miss my dog Milo . I wish i had taken her for more walks , paid more attention to her, but shes been there since i was 10 or 11 years old . For 11 years i have watched her grown from a tiny little puppy into a still small fluffy adorable dog.  She is the best dog anyone could ask for and whats sad was that, she died on the day i came back from melaka, the whole family went to melaka for chinese new years and somehow i had such a bad feeling, but i didn’t know what. Came home and its like everything was normal, let her run around for abit, let her do her business etc , and its like as if she was already in pain but she held in there and waited for us to come home, because an hour after i got home, she died. I don’t know if she died peacefully or she was in pain, but i hope she died peacefully. Its like as if everything was planned properly, she just had to die on the day of a public holiday where no vets were open.

This got me thinking of 2 important tattoos that i plan to get, hopefully this year or maybe next year. I have already planned of my dads memorial tattoo / family tattoo that represents my family and a smaller tattoo of maybe a dogs paw and inside will be milo’s name on it or maybe a dog collar, but i would like to get a tattoo that symbolizes not only one special dog, but all the pets that i have lost throughout my life. Ive been planning this tattoo ever since my dad died. And i think i have already stuck on one idea but, i will not post it up as i want it to be a surprise when i do get it .

Dad , Milo . I just want you guys to know , i think about you from time to time. The pain isn’t as bad as when it happened, but when i do think about you, its all about the good times we had.

 

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal , love leaves a memory no one can steal.

14

Im been quite moody lately, because le bestfriend has come for its monthly visits and its making my girly hormones retarded. But my boyfriend has been perfectly patient with me and my super bitch mode. He spent almost the entire week at my place, due to his wisdom tooth surgery, i have to play nurse and take care of my boy.  We are quite an odd couple but somehow, i need him and he needs me.

 

He’s the one who knows when im upset because i have a shitty face filter and everything i feel inside immediately shows up on my face. Thank you for being so patient with me sometimes. I know i can be such an annoying, whiny, party pooper girlfriend.  But through this whole day, all i can think of is. , wow, this guy here will do anything to make sure i have a smile on my face. He’s my ‘person’. All i want to say is.  Thank you for everything baby.  I love you 🙂